Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
