Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
