Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
