we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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