i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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