Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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