Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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