my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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