you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
