it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
