It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
