I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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