know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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