..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
