Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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