I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
