Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
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I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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