I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize