You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
