you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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