C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
