Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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