No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
