He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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