i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize