Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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