My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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