I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
