no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
