oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
