Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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