I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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