I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.