Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.