DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.