This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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