What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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