I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
