When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
