So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
