God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
