he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
