It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
