Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
