I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
