White coat. Heels.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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