Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
