Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
