my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
