i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
