The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
