So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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