you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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