You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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