A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Couch. On fire.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
