i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
