I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
