she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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